I just want you to know the STRUGGLE is real! Stuggle is defined as: (1) to make a great effort to do or achieve something or to overcome someone or something, and (2) to move with difficulty or with great effort. For me over the last 3 weeks, I have faced both of these definitions of "struggle." It has been difficult to overcome mentally the incident and dealing with flashbacks. It has also been a struggle to move due to being sore and in pain. I can say that I'm much better than I was. I do still have progress to make. I am making progress one day at a time, one step at a time, one prayer at a time. My friend/mentor came up with an acronym of STRUGGLE. S - Simply T - Trusting R - Resting and U - Understanding that MY G - Good G - God's L - Love E - Endures ~ST When you look at your circumstances from a different view, the word STRUGGLE means so much more than what you're currently facing. Taking your view from yourself to your need and dependence on God even more brings light to a completely different meaning of the word. Knowing, trusting, believing that He is always there no matter the circumstance. So today, if you struggle with anything in life know that the STRUGGLE is real but look at it from God's perspective, not our own.
Philippians 4:13 is
my motto. I even have it tattooed on my
shoulder. So, if I can do all things
through Him, why am I struggling after my accident? Why the questions? Why this?
So many questions
and am I doubting? Do I not believe enough?
Is what I'm going through a reflection of my relationship with Him? Do I
not have enough faith?
At times, I think
these questions are valid. At times, I
think it's an attack on my mind to get me to doubt and not be focused on what I
should be. It's a way to frustrate me. But then I think, this is a frustrating
situation. I'm hindered with daily
routines and desires. But frustration
isn't my doubting God. It's frustrating
that my whole world has been rocked because of someone else's lack of
attention. Her decision in life affected
me (that's a whole other topic of how our decisions affect others, not just
us). It's frustrating that I live with pain daily right now. Why did it happen to me? What's is
the purpose of this? Why am I being flooded with emotions and flash backs? Can
I not give it to God? Am I fully laying it down? Am I picking it back up?
Usually, I would
have a much clearer picture and view of this.
My mind seems so cloudy lately.
Just when it seems that I'm climbing up the mountain, I fall back down. Am I trying to do it on my own - from being
an independent, do it myself type of person? I can't sit still and not
progress. But then I need to rest
physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Where is the balance? Where is the clear picture? What am I to learn
Hebrews 4:3a says that those who
believe on Him can enter his rest…so SJ rest - physically, mentally,
As I look back on
the last 3 weeks, I see 1 set of footprints in the sand. No, I've not been abandoned. I'm being carried. I don't quite fully understand why this has
happened or why it is affecting me mentally and emotionally as it has
been. But I do know this, God has not
left me. He is carrying me. Yes, I may
still have moments of those floods of emotions, tears, and anger as I heal
internally. But that doesn't mean I've been forsaken.
As I look at my hand
and see and feel the damage to it, I'm still reminded of a devotion I taught at
camp. Deuteronomy 31:6 "So be strong and courageous! Do not be
afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go
ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you." You have a
daily reminder that God is always there by just looking at your hands. Take these 10 words and attach 1 word per
finger. God will never leave me. God
will never forsake me. Even though I have a gimped up hand that doesn't fully function right now, God is still there…even when I break down, He is there…even
when I'm feeling good, He is there. He's
always there. I know that God went
before me and put His divine protection around me on that morning.
So for now, I will
continue to meditate on Him and His promises.
I will be more aware of attacks on my mind and wiser than those who are
doing that. I will continue to deal with
the emotions as I heal internally… I mean physical wounds don't heal overnight; neither do mental and emotional ones. I
will continue to trust God. I will
continue to sort through this. I do know that I'm still here when the
outcome could've been so much worse. But in the meantime, just pray for
me. And if you see me having a moment,
please be sensitive to that and continue to pray for me. Those who truly know
me - I mean truly know me - know that this amount of emotions is not normal for
survived. I will focus on the 'I can." I will focus on Him. I will eventually heal. I will eventually be ok. I will eventually be stronger. There is a purpose and testimony through this someway, somehow.
A shout out to a wonderful friend, mentor who has helped me along the way. Our communication has been like a poem back and forth lately. I love it! Here is her wisdom and guidance from God about this situation...a move from looking at myself and the questions to my focus and dependence being on God. Be blessed!
I understand the questions.
I misunderstand the questions.
I question the questions.
I wonder if the questions are important.
I wonder if they matter at all.
I wonder if I’m even asking the right questions.
I wonder if in the Light of Him the questions even are questions
He is more than capable of all of my questions for He has the
In all of my questioning help me to listen, help me to hear.
Help me to only look to Him and patiently know He is
He is answering by my faith in Him; if I remember to keep it strong.
He is answering by my dependence upon Him.
At this point my questions force my dependence on Him.
I must know that He is capable of being depended on….I must
remember that when my questions overtake me……..